Who Am I?

"For whatever we've lost (like a you or a me) it's always ourselves we find in the sea."
I love the way that I feel neck deep in the ocean on those calm, warm days when the crashing waves have ceased. I can float there and feel nothing and everything all at the same time. It's ethereal really...that's why those days are so hard to find.

My best friends

I laid on the beach in this cheap Goodwill sweater at night. It was cold but that was the least of my thoughts. My two best friends and I, we laid there under the clear sky with a portable radio playing the most perfect music it could have played, and in silence we watched the sky. I realized at that moment that I never wanted to leave; I wanted to stay right there on that blanket for the rest of my life. Obviously, I couldn't do that. But I feel like I found myself.

Those are the things that I love: beautiful, memorable moments. And concerts and music and cats. All of those things combined perhaps. I really adore music - like I need to hear it all the time. I listen - LISTEN - to the music, so I know that it's real. Concerts are an opportunity to be inside that music, become one with the sounds and their maker. I find concerts...powerful. 

I guess that everything I like ties in with each other in some way. I love music. I dance to music. Dance is an art form. I am an artist. Artists usually think more, dip deeper, to find the meaning in things. I like that. I like to experience and feel and understand. 

People sometimes (or usually) people think I'm boring and quiet. I'm really just thinking a lot. I listen and absorb and retain what goes on around me. I'm an observer. And I never know what expression my face is making.

Gabi's cat

I really want a cat but my brother is allergic so instead I have a dog that thinks she is a human. For my cat-lack, I have Gabi's cat. I am her god mother and she loves me (I think). Also sweaters are really nice, it's like walking around inside of a blanket all the time. 

At this point in my essay, I'm going to assume you think I'm a hipster. Cats, sweaters, star gazing, concerts, let's all drink tea and forget the world irrationality. Unfortunately, I meet just about every quota for that. And then I say, "Don't call me a hipster. I'm not a hipster!" which I guess is what all hipsters say? So whatever, call me a hipster if you want to. But that really just disgusts me. I don't know what I am. I just like what I like and do what I do because that's what I want to like and do. 

I was once referred to as being kind of like Emily Dickinson - she knew and understood so much that she had never really experienced herself. I guess that's hypocritical in a sense though. I really haven't experienced all that much in my life, but I take from others' experiences and I try to understand them. I like to know things. 
^ No that doesn't mean I live for learning and school and all that. I mean things about life that you really don't know unless you personally experienced them. But I try to understand them nonetheless.

Alice Glass

My brother has ADD or ADHD or something and he is fairly difficult to manage. My human-dog doesn't know how to bark properly. I had a clown fish for five years which is ancient for a fish I think. My parents are divorced, but aren't every one's  nowadays? My thumbs are double jointed. I can't snap or whistle. I have an obsession with clothing and shoes. I like to lay in the shower. I like to lay on the floor. I love Alice Glass. My dad owns a restaurant. I've never been out of the country. I like glitter. I basically only drink water. My favorite color is yellow. I don't know how to scream. Christmas makes me happy.